You Can't Go Home Again

And I thought leaving home was hard!

It turns out that this homecoming is much harder. In fact, this homecoming is the hardest thing that Kelly and I have ever done in our entire life together. Really, these past couple of months have been the hardest thing I've ever been through.

I'm not saying that because I want y'all to feel sorry for me, or to hear some collective "awww, sad" response from all my loved ones out wandering the interWeb. I'm writing this because people keep asking us how we are adjusting and I'm thinking "adjusting... to what?!?!"

Do you mean adjusting to missing Zambia? Or to parenting three kids who are all going through some kind of hellish transition that will continue for months on end? Or the amazing grocery stores I keep going into? Do you mean adjusting to my dad already looking dead but not actually being dead? Do you mean finally seeing friends I've been longing to see but have the pleasure stripped from that because I'm so tired and emotionally wacked out that I don't even know how to act like a human being right now?

And I know that even right now I am probably being super inappropriate just writing this blog!!!! But I'm writing this because with everything going on with us, I actually feel guilty being off the grid for too long. I keep thinking we have to keep everyone in the loop. Yes, that's nuts. I'm nuts. I know that I belong to Christ... but in some weird way I feel sometimes like I belong to everyone else too.

So, how are we adjusting? Probably not all that well. But in my weakness, God is strong. I know that this is the groaning Paul talks about in Romans and that the Holy Spirit himself is groaning with me and interceding for me in line with what God wants for me. Please also continue to pray for us as we walk this path that is laid out before us. Please pray that we would be faithful to Him who died so that we would live. Pray that we would be a blessing to all the people we come across and not just an emotional hurricane or otherwise awkward encounter...

Romans 8:22-27
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.


Quiet Hope said…
There is nothing easy about where you are at and what you are doing. There truly is suffering when you serve God and sacrifice and hardship. Not to mention you, Kelly and the kids adjusting to the good ole US while seeing your dad dying before your eyes. This is a will get darker...but God's light, His strength, love, grace and mercy will walk you through it all...and along the way He will be glorified.

I pray that there are moments of laughter, joy, precious tears and a real sense of His presence. Much of what He is doing will be better understood when you look back. For now, hunker down, go a little crazy and know that you are loved...very much.... and that many of us carry all of you in our prayers.
Quiet Hope said…
Quiet Hope is me...Carol P. That was my blog when Tim was dying.
Anonymous said…
We love you in it and through it all...
Love, Lisa